Nonexistent Heart
by Melodious-Nocturne3
Summary: Axel just can't figure it out. Besides the fact that he has to destroy his best friend, he also doesn't know why he can feel anything when he isn't supposed to have a heart. [ one-shot ]


**A/N:**

**Disclaimer – Kingdom Hearts belongs to people other than me.**

**Warning – a bunch of Axel angst over what to do about Roxas and whether they were really friends (etc.), KHII prologue time. And no, (romantic) AkuRoku is not intended in this one-shot.**

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**Nonexistent Heart**

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Those three words echoed inside Axel's thoughts, always in the background.

They taunted him, told him with a sneer that Roxas didn't care about him anymore, whispered that they hadn't been good enough friends for any kind of impression of him to make it through the memory wipe.

"_Hayner! Pence! Olette!"_

His 'friends' in that world.

_It's all a fake!_ Axel wanted to scream sometimes. _Just a digital sham, a bunch of lies encoded into a computer!_

And sometimes he felt like breaking something. Destroying a building, maybe, by setting it on fire. Maybe in that digital Twilight Town too, and maybe while making sure Roxas' 'friends' were trapped inside. Even the idea gave him a sense of satisfaction.

Axel wanted to, so bad, but he hid the urge. No point in giving Roxas more reasons to distrust him. To hate him.

And if the Organization found out about his tenuous hold on self-control, they might eliminate him because he had become a liability. He knew, deep inside, that he probably already was one.

He shouldn't be able to feel. Suffer the pangs in his chest where his heart should be, want to scream and rage and stab a flaming chakram in the wall or simply mope.

_I shouldn't be able to have my feelings hurt. I'm a Nobody. I have no heart. I lost that thing a long time ago._

And yet...

What was the pain he felt then? Those words that Roxas screamed to the sky...

"_Hayner! Pence! Olette!"_

If he had no heart, why did Axel feel frozen when he heard him? Why did it seem like, at that moment, his black coat couldn't protect him from the darkness? Because then, it had felt like the darkness was right there in his nonexistent heart. Waiting to swallow its supposed nothing up.

They were friends, right? Him and Roxas, best friends. Before all of this trouble, life was simple. They would wake up in the morning, complete their missions, and head over to Twilight Town for some ice cream before heading back home to start the cycle over again.

But if they were best friends, why did Roxas call out other people's names? In that moment of distress, when he had no idea what was going on... He wished for someone else.

_How could they help, Roxas? How? Even with your memory wipe, you knew that you were different. You could see the Nobodies – they couldn't. You could harm them – they couldn't. How could they help?_

_And why did you call for __**them**__? When I was right there..._

Axel wanted the good old days back. Maybe they weren't necessarily good, but they were familiar. They were fun. They were nothing like this.

_Roxas. Can't we just go? Leave, and forget about the Organization. I should've taken you up on that idea. You were right._

_None of them would've missed us._

But it was too late. Those days were long gone. And now he had this yucky order: get Roxas back... or destroy him.

Axel knew that Roxas would never leave his beloved digital friends willingly. And if he tried to use force, the Keyblade would show up again and he would have to fight him – which would alert DiZ to his presence. And then the mission would be a failure, and Axel would be destroyed along with Roxas as liabilities.

Unfortunately, he had to do this. Running away to leave all of them behind was not an option, because then Roxas might never remember him.

**. . .**

Axel sighed aloud in his otherwise empty room, rubbing the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache.

"This just has to be so tough. But I have to do this."

And he hardened his nonexistent heart.

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**A/N:**

**I started out with a nice idea, but this just flowed out like some uncontrollable waterfall. ono"**

**Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed it.**

**~ Melody**


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